Beauty for Ashes
The past 12 weeks I have seen God making beauty from ashes. Today I read Psalm 147:3 and it struck me so profoundly. “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” I broke this apart and dug in deeper with Blue Letter Bible. Using the in-depth definitions, I rephrased it into this: "He stitches up my broken pieces into wholeness and tightly wraps up my wounds.” That’s what God has been doing for me through the autoimmune reversal program. I’ve been releasing so much trauma and wounded-ness in ways I didn’t know possible. I wrote letters to my abusers releasing that. I wrote letters to myself as a young girl. I wrote a letter to the child we lost before it was born. I wrote a letter to Mack, and everyone involved in the carbon monoxide poisoning. And then I burned them. I didn’t do this all at once. It has been quite a process, and I’m still releasing even more things. The letters to myself were the most emotional. After one of the first letters to myself burned, I watched as the piece of paper turned into one big flat piece of ash. Then the wind picked it up, and lifted all the pieces away. It was beautiful, and it struck me that ashes can be turned into beauty. Ty and I looked at each other and felt a profound peace and sense that this was a big moment. I remembered the verse from Isaiah 61:3: “… to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.” I had this deep sense that this was the beginning of God restoring and healing me, and it was. He has been so faithful to be close to me through this time of healing. There have been a lot of tears, but there has also been so much joy. There is a song called “Resurrecting Me” by Elevation worship that I have been listening to over and over the past few months. Here’s my favorite part: "By Your spirit I will rise From the ashes of defeat The resurrected King, is resurrecting me In Your name I come alive To declare Your victory The resurrected King, is resurrecting me” I am declaring victory over these wounds. Over my previous brokenness. Over the trauma. Thank you Lord for resurrecting me. *I want to add that I am learning that this is a lifelong process of growing and healing. There is always more, and God is so faithful to reveal deeper levels of healing over time.